Tiana Povenmire-Kirk

For this tie-dying mom, life is lived in full color.

Family comes first.

All families are unique. Tell us about yours.

I met my knight in smelly wet camouflage online, and when we met in person he was an hour and a half late, dripping wet and smelling like fish. He stopped on his way over the mountain to fish and went into the river after the fish broke his line when he brought it to the bank. I had no idea that was his natural state…21 years later this September, we are still going strong.

Every family has its own traditions, rituals or inside jokes. What are some of yours?

We have always been a place that people can join during holidays especially if they are far from their own families. When I was a professor, we’d host holiday dinners for students who couldn’t make it home for the break. Creating a longer table rather than a taller fence is a value we all hold dear.

When did you know you wanted to be a mom?

All my life. I wanted to be a lot of other things, but always a mom. I told my kids and husband the other day that they are my dream come true. My youngest said, “Awww.”

Tell us about one of your proudest mom moments.

There are so many. I recently sold at an event where many of the people knew my oldest birth son. Simply because I was his mom, so many of these young adults walked into my booth, confirmed I was “Samm’s mom” and gave me a hug. I love that they knew I would hug them back, simply because they knew my son.

Now tell us about one of your most humbling mom moments.

I grew up in a yelling home. Everyone was loud. He (or she) who yelled loudest usually won. When my kids were younger, I’m not proud to say I yelled a lot. When my youngest got old enough to be occasionally in trouble, I yelled at him and he burst into tears. I thought it was because he got in trouble, but he told me it was because I hurt his feelings. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have done a lot of work to stop yelling at everyone. It is not my default, for sure, but the effort is worth it, and I am growing daily into a better version of myself as a mom and as a person.

What is the most surprising thing you have found wedged between the sofa cushions or behind a car seat?

Our smallest dog. He loves to burrow under the sofa cushions.

What is something you swore you would never do before kids that you now do (skip showers, go to a drive through coffee in your pjs, etc.)?

I never swore I would or wouldn’t do anything as a mom; I think I always knew all bets are off when you have kids.

You know you’re a mom when you hear yourself say…

“Take the burrito out of your pocket.”

“We can’t sing the ‘poop on the potty’ song if you did not actually poop on the potty!” (An oldie, but a classic.)

“Alright, who wrote ‘I’m sorry’ in mayonnaise? And why are you sorry?”

No one works harder than mom.

We know that being a mom is a full-time job. How do you balance (or not) motherhood, activities, work, volunteering, household responsibilities, and life in general? What sometimes falls through the cracks?

Balance is such a hard skill. I am neurodiverse and this is something I really struggle with. I’ve been learning the hard way about the importance of rest. For me, sometimes I schedule “do nothing” time for hours or even a whole day. When you own your own business, you work every day. I find that I “should” on myself a lot: “I should be doing x, y or z.” The pressure can be crushing. When I see “do nothing” on my calendar, it reminds me to let myself rest. I have learned that if we don’t take rest when we need it, our bodies will give us a reason to, through illness or injury.

Tell us about your work or volunteerism outside of the home.

I make and sell tie-dyes, but I also teach through schools and at private parties and events about the science behind tie-dye and how to make their very own awesome shirts. My favorite thing to do is parties and team building activities. Something about coming together to learn about tie-dye and create art is freeing and creates bonds in ways other things do not. My business is Not Your Momma’s Tie Dye. You can find me at nymtiedye.com.

What have you learned professionally that has helped you as a mom?

Everything from project management to having difficult conversations to writing SMART goals has helped me as a mom. We talk about motherhood being like five full-time jobs rolled into one, but it’s not just talk — so many skills come into play throughout a day.

Tell us about a recent achievement you’re proud of, or a personal passion or talent. I love teaching people that they are artists through the process of tie-dye. So many of us think we are not artists because when we were in elementary school we tried to draw a dog and it didn’t look like a dog so we must not be artists. Tie-dye allows us to play with color and patterns and be surprised by some of the chaos involved. Just like life. My business has grown so quickly since I started teaching tie-dye, and I love seeing people out in the wild wearing shirts they made with me!

Do you have a goal you’d like to accomplish within the next five years?

I want my tie-dye business to grow to include tie-dye opportunities for vulnerable populations — people with disabilities, people who live in independent living and memory care facilities, preschool aged children. I want the life lessons and pure joy of tie-dye to reach more people.

If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy.

Where did you grow up, and how did it influence you?

I grew up in Mobile, Alabama, and the vast inequity I saw there impacted how I feel about our roles and responsibilities in the world.

What do you think is the most important life skill or value your parents taught you?

To have compassion for others. The idea that the condition of fellow humans is also our responsibility.

What is something you will NEVER do again?

Fishing. My husband loves it but I hate everything about it. From the smells and sharp things to the pressure of casting, watching the bobber, setting the hook, reeling it in. It all activates my anxiety so badly that I don’t understand why anyone would want to do that. I love that my husband loves it though, and that he has taught our kids how to do it well and responsibly and they love it too.

What is the quality you like most about yourself?

I give good hugs. I am able to be fully present, physically, if someone needs a hug, and I can recognize their suffering, their needs, their experience, and reflect to them that they will make it through this too.

If you could instantly have one new skill (i.e. foreign language, musical talent, eyes in the back of your head, etc.), what would it be?

I’d love to learn to play the guitar, but I want to fast forward through the bleeding fingers and blisters and hand cramps right to the part where I’m playing arpeggios.

What’s your superpower?

Knowing when someone I love is struggling.

If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, in which event would you win a gold medal?

Timing a complicated meal to all be ready at the same time.

Name one thing that is part of your daily routine that you just can’t live without.

Water. I chug 16 ounces of water the moment I wake up, and it sets up my entire day.

Tell us something about you that would surprise people who don’t know you.

I have social anxiety, but I’m also an extrovert. I will replay every single moment in a conversation where I felt awkward or stupid until it is all I can think of, even knowing there is nothing I can do to change it.

It’s Saturday afternoon and you suddenly find yourself at home alone for a few hours (we know, it never happens). What do you do?

Probably some form of tie-dye. There is no end to new things I can try and new techniques waiting to be discovered. And I’d blast music through the house.

What keeps you up at night (apart from kids, of course)?

Not much, I sleep really really well. I have a hot pack on my knees and hips and cold packs on my elbows and shoulders and I wake up hours later in the same propped up, sandbagged position.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Dublin Mudslide by Ben and Jerry’s

What is your greatest extravagance?

Probably my hair, even though my daughter does it. I don’t wear makeup or get my nails done or care much about current styles, but I love my rainbow hair.

Listen to mom.

Is motherhood what you expected? What surprised you the most?

The amount of standing around waiting we do as moms. Doctor’s appointments, sporting events, birthday parties, concert and movie ticket lines, so much waiting….

Do current events shape how you parent, and if so, how?

Absolutely. When the world is full of division, I try to help my kids be vessels of peace, love and compassion.

Who and what has influenced the mother you are today?

The amazing women in my life, my friends and chosen family, my own mom and sister, and most of all, my kids. They show me who I can be if I put my best self forward and sometimes ignore my default.

What’s the best advice you’ve received from another mom?

You do the best you can and you apologize when you’re wrong.

What advice would you give your younger mom self? What do you wish you knew then that you know now?

I wish I had figured out how toxic loud communication can be. I grew up with a lot of yelling, don’t get me wrong, we were loved and safe, but loud. I wish I had figured out better ways to communicate with compassion when I was raising my older kids.

What message would you like to share with other moms? Remember to tell it like it is.

Momming is hard, y’all. If you feel like you’re failing, it means you care enough to measure your success. Bad moms don’t sit around wondering if they’re good enough. Don’t be afraid to apologize when you mess up. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect, they need you to be human and to model for them what to do when they mess up. Give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack. You are doing better than you realize.

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MOM’s favorite…

Tell us about your favorite…

…family game: Head’s Up!

…words to live by: Whatever you are, be a good one.

…place to find some peace & quiet: my backyard or the Oregon Coast

…binge-worthy TV or podcast: I like crime and medical shows like FBI, Chicago One, Grey’s Anatomy

…time-saving app or digital tool: Google calendar

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MOMs love local…

We love locally owned businesses, restaurants, places and organizations. Share your favorite…

…shop to pick up a gift for friend: Eugene Saturday Market

…coffee spot: Cup of Joe in Veneta

…spot to get a good workout: Walking up and down my dead-end gravel road

…restaurant to take the kids: Hole in the Wall BBQ on West 11th in Eugene, or Ixtapa in Veneta

…restaurants for a date night: Ta Ra Rin

…take-out, food truck or quick bite: Toxic Burger

…local park where kids can let off steam: I love all the parks!

…events in your community: Eugene Holiday Market, Eugene Saturday Market, Lane County Farmers Market

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