Marilla Anderson

Combine being a mother of three with the running of multiple businesses and you get one busy season of life. This mom is steeped in the sacred, the sleeplessness and a whole lot of joy.

Family comes first.

All families are unique. Tell us about yours.

My husband, Bryan, and I met through mutual friends in Texas. I was in graduate school and he was fresh out of the Army. Neither of us are actually from Texas, but we kind of met in the middle, since I’m from Oregon and he’s from New Jersey. We met, fell in love, got married, adopted a hound dog named Ajax, and had our twins, Thomas and Emma.

As nice as Texas was, minus the hot summers, we had no family around which was challenging to say the least. So we decided to make the move to Oregon in 2021. We settled in Lebanon, our twins are 6 years old now and prospering. We have lots of family around, and we have no reason to make a cross-country move ever again.

When did you know you wanted to be a mom?

While I had goals that I wanted to accomplish with my education and career first, I always intended that I would have children, it was just a matter of when. Getting a PhD made it tough. Should I put off having kids and focus on my career? Or delay the career and start a family first? We chose the latter, it seemed the better choice for us.

Tell us about one of your proudest mom moments.

Nothing huge comes to mind, but I’m loving all the little times when they accomplish something small but totally unexpected and it dawns on me that they’re listening, learning and growing into good little people.

Now tell us about one of your most humbling mom moments.

My most humbling mom moment was walking out of the hospital after the twins were born, but without the twins. They were premature and needed to remain in the NICU for some time, but it just felt wrong in my head. I had to swallow every maternal instinct I had and accept that the best place for them wasn’t with their mom, but under the care and supervision of total strangers who could better see to their immediate needs than I could. My heart still hurts from having to walk away from them that day, but it was a very valuable lesson that I will not forget.

You know you’re a mom when you hear yourself say…

“Who didn’t flush the toilet? Who forgot to wipe too?” So much of parenting thus far has involved poop, and I can’t wait for that to end.

No one works harder than mom.

Tell us about your work or volunteerism outside of the home.

I’m a Technical Support Scientist for Abcam Ltd, a biotech company based in the UK (with an office in Eugene) that produces antibodies and other scientific products used for lab work. Basically, I help other scientists choose the right products they need to run their experiments and help them troubleshoot when things go awry. On top of that, I balance my career and family by volunteering with our local United Way, where I’m on the community impact committee.

What have you learned professionally that has helped you as a mom?

One of the most important things that I’ve learned over years of teaching and helping scientists is that explaining how something works is much more powerful than either doing it yourself or giving only the basic steps to achieve the endpoint. If someone understands the premise of what they are doing, then they can replicate and build on that premise on their own. As a mom, this means letting my children perform acts themselves, letting them take responsibility for a process, even letting them fail, all the while knowing that I need to provide the context and knowledge before expecting that they can do it themselves. I want my children to understand the implications of the actions they take, not just do them because “mom said so.” There are still definitely moments when, “because I said so” spills out of my mouth, but I try to be aware that giving more information could likely save me from saying that at all.

If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy.

Tell us about your upbringing. How did it shape the mother you are today?

My father’s side of the family is incredibly close, with a large number of aunts and uncles and cousins who really enjoy each other’s company. Growing up, we were always together at my grandparents’ house or camping or riding ATVs at the dunes. I didn’t grasp the uniqueness of this until I was an adult, that not all families get along and want to spend time with each other. I assumed this was normal, but I have since learned what an amazing gift this is and I am incredibly appreciative. This is a large part of why we made the move to Oregon from Texas. I wanted my children to also be able to grow up in this loving, supportive environment with many different people to learn from.

Where did you grow up, and how did it influence you?

I was born and raised in Lebanon, participated in 4-H, FFA and raised livestock. I’m still a small-town Oregon country girl at heart. My husband is a city boy, and he took me to New York City on a vacation once. No thanks! If I’m surrounded by too many people and buildings I start getting antsy and claustrophobic.

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

Got a tattoo. It doesn’t sound like much, but this was March 2020. My husband and I went out for our sixth wedding anniversary the day before the big covid lockdown started. With the world seemingly about to end, we got a sitter for the kids and went out anyway. At some point in the evening my husband devilishly asked if I would ever get a tattoo. Up until that point I had always said I would never get a tattoo because nothing seemed important enough. Not to suggest liquor didn’t play a part, or the looming pandemic, but in that moment I realized that I would if it was something related to our kids. So we both got the twins’ first initials on the same spot on the inside of our biceps: T&E.

What is something you will NEVER do again?

Graduate school was brutal. For years I kept having to ask myself the same question every grad student asks themselves: Why am I putting myself through this? I persevered, got the degrees, but I never really had a satisfying answer to that question and still don’t.

But that was nothing compared to pregnancy. Let me preface this: I love my kids and am super happy we had them. But there is no way I’m ever going through that ordeal again. Between the rough pregnancy, the emergency C-section, premature twins in the NICU, multiple medical emergency scares after, and the struggle of caring for infant twins with no real support network within a thousand miles, it nearly broke me. My husband too; he’s an Army combat veteran, he said that having the twins was far scarier and more stressful than anything he experienced in Iraq. There were highs and lows to both of those adventures, and the destination made the trip worth it, but I never want to experience either of those again.

Tell us something about you that would surprise people who don’t know you.

I was a pioneer in the field of in vitro fertilization for goats and sheep. If you ever want to confuse people that you just met, tell them your job is to make cow babies in a dish. Works every time.

What keeps you up at night (apart from kids, of course)?

A good book. Recently I’ve really been enjoying fantasy types. Although I do love self-help books, too (which my husband endlessly groans at).

What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

I think everyone should leave home at least once. This might be going to college or joining the military or getting a job in a town two hours away. But I think taking that step away helps you develop your own sense of self and helps you decide where you truly want to end up. If nothing else, it makes you appreciate what you left behind.

Listen to mom.

All families are unique. Tell us about yours.

I met my love, Gabe, while we were both living in Turkey and sometimes I still can’t get over the fact that we get to live this magical life together: raising babies, serving our community and pursuing our dreams. We have three incredible little chickies: Peter is five, Margo is three, and our sweet baby Mabel was born at the beginning of the year.

Every family has its own traditions, rituals or inside jokes. What are some of yours?

My husband and I started a silly habit of saying, “You don’t have to be so awkward about it,” whenever a conversation between us starts heading towards conflict. It diffuses tension and helps us laugh.

When did you know you wanted to be a mom?

When I was six, I told my mom that I wanted to work in a church overseas, be a doctor and be a mommy when I grew up. I’ve done two of the three, but I don’t think I’ll ever be a doctor.

What is the most surprising thing you have found wedged between the sofa cushions or behind a car seat? Somehow the red wax from a Babybel cheese ended up smeared on the back window of my minivan. It took me months and much creativity to remove it!

What is something you swore you would never do before kids that you now do?

Allowing screen time. I grew up with minimal TV and I wanted that for my kids, but I’ve seen positives from occasional screen time. We’ve gone through seasons with lots of screen time (like right now in the postpartum stage), but I know summer will come and my kids will be outside 24/7 and the

TV won’t even exist in their minds. It’s all about balance.

What are you enjoying the most about parenting right now?

I love hearing what’s going on inside the heads of my older two. They’re smart and articulate and sometimes ask questions that leave me stumped. My sweet baby has reminded me how fun the newborn stage can be, and I’m in love with babyhood all over again. My husband and I fight over the last snuggle before bedtime because she’s too sweet to put down.

No one works harder than mom.

We know that being a mom is a full-time job. How do you balance (or not) motherhood, activities, work, volunteering, household responsibilities, and life in general? What sometimes falls through the cracks?

I’m postpartum still, so honestly, a lot is falling through the cracks. We are very involved with our local businesses, our church and local community, but when I had baby number three in January, we stepped back a little from some of our responsibilities. We are slowly getting back to hosting community groups, and I’m easing into work, but we have piles of laundry and dishes constantly these days. I’m a creative soul with a scattered ADHD mind, so if something has to get done, I absolutely must be able to see it: it has to be written on the calendar, left out on the counter or added to my phone reminders.

Tell us about your work or volunteerism outside of the home.

I’ve been a photographer for over a decade, and while I’m mainly a stay-at-home-mama right now while my kids are little, I still take clients part time. Because my husband also owns a business, I get to be connected there as well. I run the social media and marketing for Margin Coffee and run my photography business on the side. Because I love to create, I also started a little side hustle last year, creating clay jewelry. Most of my work time is in the kids’ nap stretches or late nights before the baby wakes up for a feed. I love owning a downtown business because the community comes to us and it’s incredible. We get to serve the heartbeat of the city and I love it.

If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy.

Tell us about your upbringing. How did it shape the mother you are today?

I was the second of six children in a very conservative home-schooled family. As a member of a large family, I loved the opportunities for connection, but also hated the feeling of falling through the cracks. I really want to be a parent that truly sees my kids for who they are and encourages them to grow into the best version of themselves, even if I don’t understand or relate to it.

What is one thing you never had that you want for your kids?

One thing they have is a local, walkable community, which I never had. I love that we can pass neighbors on a walk or spontaneously meet friends at the park down the street.

If you could instantly have one new skill (i.e. foreign language, musical talent, eyes in the back of your head, etc.), what would it be?

The ability to convince small animals to do my chores, Cinderella style; it would free up so much time!

What’s your superpower?

I am excellent at finding a good deal. I grew up roaming thrift stores and eventually eBay for treasures, and I still can’t resist a steal on FB marketplace, to my poor husband’s dismay.

If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, in which event would you win a gold medal?

Reading aloud. I love to read and did public speaking competitively while in college. I still love to give a good speech or read a book to my kids.

Tell us something about you that would surprise people who don’t know you.

I had a pixie cut for years. I dyed it in fun colors and loved the look of it. My husband and kids have never seen me with short hair; maybe one day I’ll bring it back.

It’s Saturday afternoon and you suddenly find yourself at home alone for a few hours (we know,

it never happens). What do you do?

I’m either reading a book or making a set of clay earrings.

What is your greatest extravagance? I upgraded my shampoo and conditioner last year from the cheap clean brands and I’ll never go back.

Listen to mom.

Is motherhood what you expected? What surprised you the most?

Motherhood is so much more than I imagined — more beautiful, more stretching, more sacred, more exhausting. I expected the sleepless nights and sweet snuggles, but I didn’t expect how it would completely rewire my identity. I didn’t know how lonely it could feel sometimes, or how fiercely protective I’d become. The depth of love is staggering — and so is the vulnerability. I knew I would see myself in my children, but I didn’t know how humbling it would be to see all my struggles reflected back at me in a little human who doesn’t know how to regulate their emotions. It has been such a wild ride, and I feel like I’m rewiring my own brain in the process.

What’s the best advice you’ve received from another mom?

“All you need to give is 30%.” After a really hard season of PPD/A and really bad ADHD symptoms, my therapist reminded me that I didn’t have to be 100% present to be a good mom. Research shows that in order to be healthy, a kid needs 30% of their primary caregivers’ attention. I can’t tell you how often I repeat that in my head on days that I can’t give 100%. It’s so encouraging to know that I don’t have to show up perfectly to be a good mom.

What message would you like to share with other moms? Remember to tell it like it is.

You don’t have to do it all to be doing it well. The fact that you care so deeply already makes you a good mom. Some days are going to feel like survival mode — and that’s okay. You are raising tiny humans while still growing yourself. That is sacred, gritty, powerful work. So please, give yourself the same grace you’d give your best friend. We’re all just figuring it out, one snack break and deep breath at a time.

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MOM’s favorite…

Tell us about your favorite…

…words to live by: I have the word “joy” tattooed on my wrist, and it’s a constant reminder to look for joy on days that might not feel very light.

…binge-worthy TV or podcast: These days, you can find me listening to an audiobook on Libby or Audible. Right now I have a Katherine Center novel going.

…way to get out of making dinner: Find a partner who can cook.

…time-saving app or digital tool: Canva Pro, Ink Cards

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MOMs love local…

We love locally owned businesses, restaurants, places and organizations. Share your favorite…

…shop to pick up a gift for a friend: My own little side jewelry business, Curated by Marilla

…coffee spot: Margin Coffee Roasters, of course!

…hair salon: Styled by Daralyn out of Blush Salon

…restaurant to take the kids: The Barn at Hickory Station

…restaurants for a date night: Ba’s Vietnamese Comfort Food

…take-out, food truck or quick bite: Rigoberto’s

…boutique to find a new shirt or home décor item: Restyle in North Albany

…local park where kids can let off steam: Our kids love Henderson Park in downtown Albany which they affectionately call “the green swing park.” You can also find us at Takena, Monteith or Bryant, depending on the day.

…event in your community: Antiques in the Streets

…any other local places you love: Margin Coffee (we own it, so it’s extra special to my family), Pono Bowl, Plant Warehouse Albany (popup in the Grocery Outlet parking lot) and Garland’s Nursery

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