Emma Deane

For this mom of teenagers, holding on while letting go is a wild journey of parenting.

Family comes first.

All families are unique. Tell us about yours.

We are a blended family: my husband brought two daughters with him, and I brought a daughter with me into our relationship, and then we had our son. We were an instant family and jumped right in.

What is the most surprising thing you have found wedged between the sofa cushions or behind a car seat?

My son went through a phase of loving apples so for quite some time we were finding old apple cores in the couch, under the couch and in the car. I was so happy he was eating apples I didn’t care that he had no interest in throwing away the core. My son is on the autism spectrum and has a small variety of very specific things he will eat, so him eating apples is a huge win for us.

What is something you swore you would never do before kids that you now do (skip showers, go to a drive through coffee in your pjs, etc.)?

I was talking through this one with my mom, and she reminded me that when I was a teenager, I was very unimpressed with her desire to have a beautiful clean home where my sisters and I didn’t just throw stuff around. Now I get it. I care about my home being in order and not having things just thrown in random spots.

In what way are your children like you? How are they different?

My girls are full of magic, fire, fierceness, love, wisdom and compassion, and we are similar in some of those ways, but they don’t let people walk all over them and they use their voice loud and proud. That's something that I figured out way later in life. My son is so compassionate, he says the kind thing out loud. He is hysterical, love is always pouring out of him, and he is snuggly. We are similar in those ways but he always says it like it is and sometimes really funny because he’s just so blunt.

You know you’re a mom when you hear yourself say...

Make good choices, be safe and I love you!

What are you enjoying the most about parenting right now?

I loved the newborn stage so much, but I am well past that stage with three teenagers. Teenage years have been so tricky to navigate. Holding on but having to let go is such a wild journey. In this teenage phase I’m enjoying getting to see the beautiful glimpses of who each of my children will be as they enter adulthood. In this transition I’m also learning to pause and take in the little moments that happen with each kid like a quick coffee date, a random dance party in the kitchen, a snuggle on the couch or a spontaneous concert in the car with the windows down.

No one works harder than mom.

We know that being a mom is a full-time job. How do you balance (or not) motherhood, activities, work, volunteering, household responsibilities, and life in general? What sometimes falls through the cracks?

I am really blessed to be surrounded by a community of close girlfriends, family and Myah’s wonderful bonus mom that help us navigate all the moving pieces with home, work, kids at three different schools, kids’ work schedules and sports. Sometimes chores fall behind or a decent bedtime for me gets pushed out.

Tell us about your work or volunteerism outside of the home.

I am the executive director at CHANCE Recovery, a local non-profit with offices in Corvallis, Lebanon and Albany, plus 2nd CHANCE Shelter. I also help my husband run our painting business. I love serving my local community and working in the same town I live in, as it allows for a lot of relation-

ships to be built. I’ve also volunteered over the years with Honor Flight and Rotary.

What have you learned professionally that has helped you as a mom?

Crisis de-escalation, patience being able to juggle many things at once, acceptance and different ways to communicate.

Tell us about a recent achievement you’re proud of, or a personal passion or talent.

A couple years ago I received a community service award from the Albany Police Department.

When was the last time you failed? What did you learn?

I share this with grace and kindness towards myself. I am failing and succeeding daily. There are moments in each day that I am killing it, and other moments where I am like oh wow, I screwed that up and I try to learn from it. I really believe in owning my wins and losses, and when those losses affect my kids, I always try to acknowledge that to them, apologize and share how I will do it better next time.

If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy.

Tell us about your upbringing. How did it shape the mother you are today?

I grew up in a big close family, and it shaped my desire to have a community wrapped around me and my kiddos. It also showed me the power of when people show up for you in the good and hard, and that instilled in me that showing up matters.

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

Last year we took a trip to Hawaii, and we went out on a boat to snorkel with sea turtles.

What is something you will never do again?

Snorkel in wide open deep ocean.

When did you realize you were no longer a child?

As soon as Myah was placed in my arms, she needed me and it was and is my honor.

If you could instantly have one new skill (i.e. foreign language, musical talent, eyes in the back of your head, etc.), what would it be?

I love music so much. I almost always have music playing whether I am driving, cleaning, working, walking, showering or going to sleep. I do not have a singing voice, but I sing along so it would be pretty rad if magically I could sing well. My family would appreciate this new skill, too.

Name one thing that is part of your daily routine that you just can’t live without.

Caffeine daily. I either have an Alani Slush, a Lotus from Pacific Perk or coffee at home with a lot of vanilla cinnamon creamer. I’m a big believer in the coffee you have at home is better when you use your favorite mug. It’s science.

Tell us something about you that would surprise people who don’t know you.

I spent two weeks in Africa after graduating high school, on a mission trip with my grandparents and cousins. I witnessed so much giving and love. While on that trip I saw people putting people first before schedules and not rushing to the next thing. That has always stuck with me: people first.

What keeps you up at night (apart from kids, of course)?

How broken the systems are that were created to help and care for people.

What keeps you sane?

My best girlfriends. They always answer and show up for the good, the bad and the ugly. They keep my head above water, and for that I am thankful.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

I love a good nap. Also blaring Cardi B while in my car.

Who is your favorite real-life hero?

My dad, Ed. He has consistently shown up in my life with a calm peaceful presence full of love and wisdom. He is retired now but spends his time volunteering in the community and helping with grandkids where he can. He has been a great role model to me of giving back to the community.

Outside of your family members, who/what inspires you to be better?

My kids inspire me to be the best version of me because they deserve that. I’m also inspired by the people I serve at work. I see individuals struggling with substance use disorder, mental health and/or being unhoused, and watching how they show up and care for others with compassion and love is magical to witness.

Listen to mom.

Is motherhood what you expected? What surprised you the most?

No, and in the best way but also in shocking ways. First, I hated middle school and used to say you couldn’t pay me enough to go back and do that again. Now as a mom of girls who have made it through middle school, and with a boy in middle school, it’s way harder as the parent. My conclusion

is middle school is just hard in general. But it gets better. You won’t believe me while you’re in the middle of it, but I promise your wonderful little babes come back to you and become human again.

Second, the amount of love I can hold for my children. Each one of my kids has consumed my whole heart. I remember right before I had Hayden crying to my husband, what if I don’t love him, how will I be able to love another human with all the love already going out? Joe reassured me I would, and he was right: as soon as I saw Hayden’s face I was in love and my heart grew.

Do current events shape how you parent, and if so, how?

Yes, we talk way more about inclusivity, why it matters and what it looks like to be inclusive.

Who and what has influenced the mother you are today?

My momma. Being raised by someone so loving, welcoming, caring, compassionate and who always shows up has greatly influenced the way I show up for my children.

What message would you like to share with other moms? Remember to tell it like it is.

Keep going, enjoy and soak in the sweet moments and be kind to yourself. It’s more than okay to pause, pour all the love you have into those babies as you prepare them for the world, lean into your people and take care of you through the parenting journey.

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MOM’s favorite...

Tell us about your favorite...

...words to live by: “Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.” — Lucius Annaeus Seneca

...place to find some peace & quiet: Camping at Yukwah and Trout Creek

...binge-worthy TV or podcast: Grey’s Anatomy

...way to get out of making dinner: When I first stepped into an executive role, my husband started Tuesday pizza nights, so I always look forward to Tuesdays.

...time-saving app: Outlook calendar

MOMs love local...

We love locally owned businesses, restaurants, places and organizations. Share your favorite...

...shop to pick up a gift, new shirt or home décor item: Restyle

...coffee spot: Pacific Perk

...spot to get a good workout: Love Yoga

...hair salon: Locks and Lashes Salon and Day Spa

...restaurant to take the kids: Local Boyz

...restaurants for a date night: Vault 224

...take-out, food truck or quick bite: The Barn at Hickory Station

...meetup spot for happy hour: Sweet Red’s

...event in your community: Albany Pride Festival, River Rhythms, Northwest Art and Air Festival

...any other local places you love: Willamette Speedway