Jessica Tucker

SHE’S A MOM TO BOYS, A BARTENDER AND WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE

SHE CARES ABOUT, SHE’S YOUR RIDE OR DIE.

COMMUNITY: Dallas

PARTNER: Clayton Tucker, project

manager for an audio video company

CHILDREN: Connor, age 8; Tristan, age 3;

and Kory – still cookin’

PHOTOS: Laurel Bice Photography

Family Comes First

All families are unique. Tell us about yours (spouse, significant other, children, pets, etc.).

I married my high school sweetheart Clayton a few years after my first husband had passed. We never lost touch, and he has been an amazing partner our entire lives, even before we started a relationship. My son, Connor, was from my first marriage, but Clayton treated him like his own from day one. We have one other son together, Tristan, and another one on the way that we are naming Kory.

As for pets, we are cat people. Up until a couple weeks ago, we had four cats. They are all named after Taco Bell foods, and we recently lost my old lady cat, Chalupa. I gained our Siamese, Beefy Five-layer, as a Mother’s Day gift when I had Tristan. We recently got our two other cats, Bean Burrito and Cheesy Gordita Crunch, due to Clayton’s friend going through a major life change and not being able to care for them. So, we like to say that we are parents to six, almost seven.

We grew up in California and have only been living in Oregon for four and a half years. We recently just decided to back out of selling our house to remodel and make room for our third and final baby. Yes, I will be having a newborn in a construction zone.

Tell Us About One of Your Proudest Mom Moments.

Connor always gets MVP in his sports because he’s so kind and lifts everyone up. I always get parents, coaches, teachers, etc., coming up to me letting me know how nice Connor is to their other children. I always say that we pride ourselves in our kids’ behaviors outside the home. They’re monsters in the house, but so nice to be around in public.

Now Tell Us About One of Your Most Humbling Mom Moments.

I had to throw out the mom playbook when Tristan was born. I went into second-time motherhood so confident, and I was quickly humbled. He preferred dad, didn’t sleep through the night until he was three, was behind in speaking, and he ate everything in his path until age one but now survives on frozen waffles and a dream. The list goes on.

We’re all moms, so we know that no one is perfect all of the time, or even some of the time. Tell us about your most recent “Mother of the Year” moment. You know, like forgetting to pick the kids up from school.

Let’s just say my first marriage was a disaster. So much so that after he passed, Connor had to be put in intense behavioral therapy because I couldn’t control him and, honestly, could barely control myself. Not my favorite time.

I’m not sure if I should be proud of his timing/creativity, but Connor was never a tantrum thrower at stores. One time, he didn’t get a toy he wanted and instead of freaking out, he waited until we got to a more populated area and cried out, “No mom, please don’t put me in the trash can again.”

One time, I had to call the fire department to get Connor out of a baby swing at six years old because his giant self got stuck while I was chasing Tristan around.

So, take your pick, LOL.

You Know You’re a Mom When You Hear Yourself Say…

“Things would get easier for you if you just realized I’m always right.”

What Are You Enjoying the Most About Parenting Right Now?

For Connor: he’s in tackle football and baseball, and I was destined to be a sports mom. For Tristan: we can finally see the wheels turning, and watching things click for him is so awesome. And he’s now potty trained, so I love my short break of no diapers in the house.

No One Works Harder Than Mom

We know that being a mom is a full-time job. How do you balance (or not) motherhood, activities, work, volunteering, household responsibilities, and life in general? What sometimes falls through the cracks?

Balance is a strong word. One mean thing my first husband said to me was, “I walk on you because you won’t stop me.” I didn’t even get mad. The lightbulb went off, and I immediately became the opposite of a doormat. I truly pride myself in my communication, and I don’t play games. I now tell my partner exactly what I’m needing or feeling, and the severity of the issue so there’s no room for ambiguity.

Our kids will always see me standing up for myself or meaning what I say and seeing it through. They know they’re being raised to be adults one day, and we’re all a unit and we help each other. They also know that memories are more important than a mess, but on that note, we have to work together to make the memories possible.

What falls through the cracks is cleaning, 100%. There’s not enough hours in the day for me to care about picking things up, especially seven months pregnant.

Tell Us About Your Work or Volunteerism Outside of the Home.

I own a mobile bar business, and a successful one at that. I worked my way through college as a bartender, and Clayton convinced me to just make a career out of it. So, for my thirtieth birthday, I bought a bar on wheels. It enables me to stay home with my kids and work on the weekends. Last year was such a success that I was able to say no to double-booking myself, and for the first time in years, we’re able to spend most Fridays and Sundays together.

If Mom’s Not Happy, Nobody’s Happy

Tell Us About Your Upbringing. How Did It Shape the Mother You Are Today?

My childhood was normal and stable, and I always had everything I needed, but I never felt like I could do anything without someone making fun of me. Our relationships have gotten much better since I moved out to Oregon because I learned to set boundaries and stand up for myself. By no means was I traumatized as a kid, but I wanted so badly to have a closer relationship that I felt safe to be me in.

My kids only know me as a cheerleader. We make sure to be a team as much as possible as parents, but if I think one kid has been wronged, they will always see me standing up for them.

Where Did You Grow Up, and How Did It Influence You?

I grew up in and around the Sacramento area. I was moved from my home and school in fifth grade to a town an hour away with really snobby and less accepting people because my dad got offered a better job. I had a major culture shock, and by then, I looked like the most tomboy of all the tomboys, and the kids at my new school made it clear that it was unacceptable.

I made a friend here and there when I started to conform and be more girly, but it really just turned me into a people pleaser. However, my parents would get the same compliment that I get with Connor: that I pick people up and never bring them down.

What Do You Think Is the Most Important Life Skill or Value Your Parents Taught You?

Be tough because the world isn’t easy.

When Was the Last Time You Did Something for the First Time?

My husband and I flew internationally together for the first time for our best friends’ wedding in Ireland! And we saved up to fly first class.

Which Good Habit Do You Wish You Started Earlier?

Forcing myself to wash my face and do my 10 minutes of skincare every night before I sit down. It calms and refreshes me. Like a little reset.

When Did You Realize You Were No Longer a Child?

Getting my first apartment at 18.

What Is the Quality You Like Most About Yourself?

I am absolutely a ride or die. You know I will never be the person to say something behind your back. If you tell me you need me, I’m there.

If You Could Instantly Have One New Skill (i.e., Foreign Language, Musical Talent, Eyes in the Back of Your Head, etc.), What Would It Be?

I always wanted to be a talented singer. When 2012 was supposed to be the end of the world, my brother used to wish I was a famous singer so we would be saved.

What’s Your Superpower?

Doing 50 million things at once. I always remember everyone’s birthday, important life events, and facts about them. I may or may not have a bunch of unfinished projects, but I fear that my time in the service industry has really drilled in, “You got time to lean, you got time to clean.” But in my case, just never stop moving.

If You Could Turn Any Activity Into an Olympic Sport, in Which Event Would You Win a Gold Medal?

Gift giving. I definitely give the best gifts.

Tell Us Something About You That Would Surprise People Who Don’t Know You.

I have naturally curly hair. I’ve only worn it straight since I was ten. I feel like it suits me better. Also, my fake eyebrows aren’t by choice. I got them tattooed because I got a bad wax in high school and they never came back.

What Keeps You Up at Night (Apart From Kids, of Course)?

My brain likes to replay my entire life every night and stress me out about the next day.

They Say That Everyone Has a Book in Them. What’s the Title of Your Book?

WTF Just Happened?

Listen to Mom

Is Motherhood What You Expected? What Surprised You the Most?

Honestly, I didn’t really have expectations of motherhood, only of myself. I raise my kids in an adult world, not the other way around. My biggest surprise is seeing how a lot of people aren’t preparing their children to become real members of society.

Do Current Events Shape How You Parent, and If So, How?

Absolutely. I have all boys. I have to make them into respectful gentlemen. They need to not only respect women but prove their good intentions through actions. Not just words. My boys are allowed to cry, be feminine, be masculine, try new things, protect the peace of themselves and those less strong. They are the future of good people and change.

What Advice Would You Give Your Younger Mom Self? What Do You Wish You Knew Then That You Know Now?

Make sure you’re able to do everything alone if you have to.

What’s the Best Advice You’ve Received From Another Mom?

You don’t need a big village. Quality over quantity.