Making & keeping friends

Guide your children in cultivating solid friendships

Of all the experiences you watch your child navigate, relationships with others may be the most challenging. Friends, coaches, family members and teachers are all people with whom your child must learn to relate in order to form bonds and confidence. Connecting with peers can be especially fraught, since the other children are also learning these life skills. While you can’t choose your child’s friends, you can encourage positive relationships at any age.

One of the best ways to teach your children about friendships is to model positive ones yourself. Talk to your children about how important your friends are to you, and the ways you support each other. Without burdening them with too much information, you can also show that friendships can persist even when there is friction. Let your kids see you work through conversations with others in a positive manner.

Talk to your children about boundaries, and how friendships are based on equal footing. This can give kids the confidence to stand up for themselves if a friend is treating them badly, and it can also promote empathy for others.

Not all friendships are forever, and children should know that it’s okay to let go of relationships that are harmful. Alternatively, children should be taught that a disagreement does not necessarily end a friendship either.

Encourage real-life interaction, rather than online. In an increasingly connected world, it seems that connection is hard to come by. Like adults, children often connect with others over shared interests. Sports, clubs and other activities can provide children with common ground and a basis for forming bonds with others.

Remind your children that the quality of friendships matters more than the quantity. Also keep in mind:

• It’s ok to be shy. Forcing kids to interact may exacerbate their anxiety.

• Friendships should be equally beneficial. Observe your children with their friends and make sure no one is being a bully.

• If your child is friends with kids that get into trouble a lot, it’s okay to intervene. Have a real conversation about your concerns rather than giving ultimatums.

Perhaps most importantly, model qualities of positive relationships to your child. You don’t have to give up the parent-child dynamic to show that you can be kind, forgiving and thoughtful — which are great qualities to have in a friend.

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